Fonze Diaries Reveal Pain and Loneliness

Published: 1 Apr 2003 – rescued from old blog

Excerpt 5,  The Diary of Arthur “Fonzie” Fonzarelli  (entry dated April 3rd 1958)


Was it not Albert Einstein who defined insanity as ‘…doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results?’

I must therefore conclude I am the most insane man in Milwaukee. The rut I am in runs deeper than the Panama canal and wider than Lake Michigan.

Curse my hypnotic charm and jiffy-lubed libido! Curse this nightly charade, the endless bedding of top notch crumpet, and damn the insincerity!

I look pretty and have perfect hair. Yet I am a despicable toilet flushing and flushing but never able to purge my life of its gaping contradictions.

When I punched that Jukebox at Arnold s tonight, when it started playing Rock Around The Clock and everyone cheered, I felt like crying. I wanted to shout, “Is this what I am reduced to? A 38 year old man in a leather jacket performing his stupid party piece for the bimbos and sirens!

I hate that Diner. Why do I always go there?

I want to eat at fine restaurants, not gnaw on cheap, disgusting burgers and slurp down fatty malts. It’s all vegetable fat, you know. Almost a 1000 calories per 100 grams.

Will I ever taste trout almandine or lobster thermidor? Will I ever gently cradle a fine cognac while, perhaps, puffing on a hand rolled Havana? Will I ever understand modern architecture? Will I ever bee moved by opera? Will I? Will I, damn you?

No. I won t.

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