Many of us have been to the dribbling sphincter known as Birmingham. It’s a place with problems.
I lived in and around the metropolis for approximately two years and some nights I still wake up screaming.
It’s been bombed by the Nazis and the IRA, it’s been Thatcherised (for Thatcherised read closed down and forgotten), it had the ’60’s vision’ applied to it and even had a questionable 90’s canal basin redevelopment. The yuppies turned up there in their tens, had a look, left.
But wait. There’s more now for England’s second city as it is set to be healed by the power of shopping.
The Bull Ring is to become ” Bullring,” a massive new shopping centre. (PR Consultant: “hey, brainwave guys, instead of The Bull Ring, which evokes like dead bulls and blood and cow shit and the Spanish, let’s call it simply Bullring, one word, which evokes ‘Bling,’ ‘Red Bull and vodka’ and happiness stroke chilled out contentment.)
‘Bullring’ will now provide over 110,000 sq m (1.2m sq ft) of retail space. That’s not that great, remember bored Brummies hate walking too far.
There are over 140 shops and kiosks within Bullring.. (yes, but will there be somewhere to buy cuppa-soup?)
3,100 new car parking spaces were created for Bullring – 900 in Indoor Market car park, 1,000 in Bullring car park and 1,200 in Moor Street car park. (What they don’t tell you is the rail link is fucked and won’t be ready for another two years, the vicinity is clogged to all buggery with traffic and anyway – so that’s it for any public transport initiative. All new Shopping Centre Britain is clearly all about the car.)
Over 8,000 jobs were created within Bullring. (Yes, 8000 security guards and cleaners. Well done, Bullring. Have a Nobel Prize.)
Over half a million pounds a day was spent building Bullring. (And you’ll make that much back every day when it opens, for ever and ever, and give nothing back to the city, so don’t try and impress us with numbers. You’ll make VAST sums while other bits of the city (for ‘other bits’ read all the rest of Birmingham.) will continue to die.)
15,500 tonnes of steel are in Bullring that’s a ¼ of the steel in the Empire State Building. (And we’ve seen what happens to tall buildings in New York. Wonder if that was British steel btw? Or was perhaps from some other even more deserving economy?)
There s Approximately 90,000 metres³ of concrete within the new Bullring. This is enough concrete to stretch between Birmingham and Oban, Scotland, ten times! (Just what Birmingham needs, more concrete. Anyway, this fact is bollocks. There’s enough cheese in my fridge to stretch between Birmingham and Oban, Scotland ten times if you stretch it thinly enough.)
The following amounts of glass have been used in Bullring:
Skyplane: Horizontal: 7,765 sq m
Vertical: 2,200 sq m
Structural: 2,381 sq m (You’re making it sound really 80s.)
Demolition of the old Bullring started the 30 June 2000, with completion in March 2001. (Now this I can’t argue with. You did the right thing knocking that old P.O.S. down, sadly you’ve just put another P.O.S. up. Why not build a park or a swimming pool too you money grubbing bastards?)
There were approximately 65,000 tonnes of concrete in the Old Bullring. During the demolition, the majority of the concrete went off site to a reprocessing plant. Small quantities have been retained to provide Haul Roads and Ramps. (You recycled some concrete? I’m impressed! You’ll be putting it in the food next. This concrete reprocessing plant you mentioned, is it real? Or is it and imaginary reprocessing plant built curiously near a landfill site?)
The slope of Bullring from Rotunda down to St Martin s Church is approximately 18 metres or 40 feet, that is half the height of the Rotunda! (I don’t understand this one, are you saying it’s 40 feet long or 40 feet high. Slopes are usually expressed as an angle. Elucidate please, the people of Birmingham need to know.)
Externally, there is 12,000 sq m of granite and internally there is 13,000 sq m of limestone. (Internally there’s 13,000 sq m limestone? Don’t you know that’s water soluble? When these Brummies inevitably wee or are sick on your shopping centre, it will erode!)
22 trees will be planted within Bullring. (Does that make up for the 30 or so trees that were cut down around St Martin’s church? Ah, who needs oxygen anyway?)
The Bronze Bull situated in the square at the base of Rotunda is two and a half life sized and weighs 5 tonnes. (Nice bit of public art. That will stimulate our imaginations and elevate our spirits as we wander from JD Sports to Starbucks.)
3 light wands are situated in the square at the base of the rotunda. These act as beacons and are 20, 25 & 30 meters in height. (Now really, light wands? Please, just fuck off.)
‘A visitor’ left this comment on 5 Dec 03
the bullring is wickedsam smith
‘A visitor’ left this comment on 5 Dec 03
the bullring is really good but a bit expencive
‘A visitor’ left this comment on 16 Nov 03
Didya know it’s illegal to use your camera in there too? I got stopped twice today. Seems its all private property. You can apply for a Permit. (Weekdays only management office.) 😦
‘A visitor’ left this comment on 5 Nov 03
can u show me eny £100.00 shocksok thanck uy [kabir firstname.lastname@example.org]
‘A visitor’ left this comment on 4 Sep 03
gosh you sound angry :(someone far away…