Stansted Airport, discuss – Published: 26 Apr 2006

Don’t know about you but I sit about just loathing Stansted Airport, day after day. It’s all I do.

Grrr! That pitiful, poo-smelling so-called transport node!

It has (official!) the most expensive airport car park in the world, the most expensive train link, a bizarre Stansted-only ‘no-pick-up or drop-off policy’ – so you can’t collect your granny after her hols in Majorca.

Wha?

It’s a wearisome plastic tent full of Ryan/Easy dreariness and has a serious cash-extraction agenda. In effect it’s a car park enterprise, with an airport tagged on.

I read this week that Stansted Airport, and its rail link, also have a total ban now on bicycles! Wonderfully green and progressive attitude, that. Well done everyone concerned.

Practice Cops

Staying with bikes… If one of those new light-blue community-type almost-police officers tells you to stop riding your bike on the pavement, do you have to obey? These guys have a uniform, a radio and pac-a-mac belt attachment but, in theory, no powers of arrest. Any thoughts, please do share.

And while I’m grumbling, has anyone noticed how in-your-face pharmacists are these days? You buy some Anadin and they want to know why you want them, how many you plan to take, if you are pregnant, if you have a history of flatulence. I was told recently by a girl in Boots not to take Night Nurse more than three times per bout of illness. This is a shame as I was buying it to drink it as an aperitif each evening before dinner.

Staying with airports…

Thinking About Airports, CO2 and Luton – Published: 29 Apr 2006

easyjet ryanaire

On a recent weekend jaunt, me and C were blessed with the chance to jet off from Luton Airport (sometimes called London Luton by Easyjet and people who aren’t very good at geography).

This international node seemed remarkable to me only in that it appeared to be an airport built on a hill. Surely that’s not sensible.

Anyway, it was at Luton railway station that we saw an advert for a local nightclub, called CO2.

C02, you ask? I feel only a place like Luton would name it’s only nighclub after a harmful by-product. Oxygen – too obvious, Helium – too silly, Sodium Chloride – might attract nerds… So let’s stick with CO2! Carbon Dioxide! It’s such a sexy, glamorous gasseous molecule!

We worried that many Europeans flying into the UK might make this their first port of call. “Ah-ha! Zee sophicated breedeesh nightclub, full of charactereeztic youthful energy and joie de vivre! Zut Alor! Why are zees fat drunken breedeeshers vanting to put zee broken bouteille in my face?”

Here are some real reviews of C02 taken from the www.knowhere.co.uk guide to Hertfordshire:

  1. CO2 Club – Very crap Font Bar- Same music every night, and Drinks are stupidly priced, it’s supposed to be a student bar!
  2. Above the back of Iceland / next to the pool hall.
  3. Seamus is the only place you get generally old people, with some music, and alcohlic drinks. Other than that theres STIMULATION once a month for 14-18 when everyone that goes there is from primary skool as they get picked up by their fit mums in jags or jeeps.
  4. The rhythm club????? is that it? who knows! GO LUTON!!
  5. I’ve heard CO2 is a great place to catch HIV ( – my personal favourite) 
  6. there is only CO2 which is a bit of a dive and could end up in a fatal injury, just go to London only 20 mins train.
  7. there are aload of clubs like the shades pool clubs and hatfield youth football team and roller hockey in birtchwood hatfied is a great place loads to do sport wise.
  8. CO2 Club is not worth the visit. If your gonna give it a try I’d suggest you go with a big group of friends so you dont feel like outcasts. This place is full of attitude!
  9. C02 Club, Hatfield is great. Fridays are House, Garage, RNB and they often have top DJs & MCs there, Mike Ruffcutt Lloyd, Martin Larner, MC Viper, Pay As You Go and loads more. There’s no ‘fascist dress code’ as one person stated, but if you insist on going out clubbing straight from the ‘pigsty’ then yes there is. And as for ‘attitudes’ if you have a BAD one, then they will! Moron! Drinks are cheap too, £1 Bottle, my pocket loves it! Oh, and ONE NIGHT STAND are coming on 1st March, great line up. And EZ will be here again soon. Can’t wait. On Saturdays, its OVER 30s night, so won’t suit most you, but great for your parents!! 
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