Out and About #568983.3 – Mister Pumpernink’s Pizza (Published 22 Apr 2008)

Being partially unemployed I’ve recently had time to consider the cheesy enigma, smothered in a claggy tomato paste of puzzlement, wrapped in a soggy calzone of intrigue that is the riddle of the continuing existence of Mister Pumpkernink’s Pizzeria, 116 Holland Park Avenue.

To start with, it seems so utterly out of place nestled between Lidgate’s (purveyors of the finest organic meats, poultry and game direct from Prince Charles’s Highgrove estate), sPeck (the fine Italian Deli, kitchen and wine shop) and Daunts (a bookshop where you’ll see authors browsing as well as signing).

This is a famously well-heeled neighbourhood, so who’s eating at Mister Pumperninks?* Surely not Michael Winner.**

The place sells pizza by the slice, humanely sparing you the burden of discarding a whole one. They make a sort of bastardised deep-pan / soiled mattress hybrid. Toppings are reminiscent of certain scenes from Platoon.

I’m not being a snob about Pizzerias. A good pizzeria is fine thing to have.

And here’s a fact: Pizza is cheap to make and very easy to make well. You almost have to be wilfully kack-handed to muck it up.

An average small town in Italy might have 10 to 20 pizzerias. In each you’ll get delicious pizza for about £2.50 (that’s per pizza, not per slice, as you’ll find at Mr P’s).

pumpernink's pizza, holland park avenue, w11
The final part of the mystery is Mister Pumpernink himself.

He’s a leprechaun. He sits on a pumpkin. He has a pet rat… all classic Italian associations that Pizza Express and Zizzi’s must feel foolish they overlooked.

The use of the rat I feel is a particularly bold allusion to the reality of their operation. It’s so direct, so honest. I bet the Saatchis drive past and slap their foreheads saying, “A stunted Irishman and vermin. They trumped us finding the new direction. We should retire.”  

* Turns out it’s school kids. Mystery solved.
** I bet he puts on a big bib and orders in.



A visitor‘ left this comment on 4 Jan 09
Im not sure what rubbish is being spouted here. I have enjoyed the pizza from Mr Pumpernink’s for many years. It may not always be the best Pizza in Britain and it isn’t exactly cheap, but what is in this area including, Pizza Express and Zizzi’s? It charges around the same as any other Pizza establishment within the area for home delivery and Ive tried most of them, but keep coming back to Mr Pumperninks.
A visitor‘ left this comment on 23 Apr 08
We know where you live…
capo napolitano‘ left this comment on 23 Apr 08
You make untrue statements about my ristorante?? SO WHAT if I am out flanked by superior eating and reading establishments! Who gives a flying f**k about my pet rat! Is not my problem you don’t see the significance of the f’kin pumpkin either. Soiled f’kin matress!! F’kin Platoon!!! If I were you, I’d be watching my back when you next leave Lidgate’s with your organic f’kin pie or Daunts with your copy of Tom f’kin Clancy!!!! Your days are numbered Jokl – maybe you’ll think twice before casting wild and crazy slanderous material around Holland Park about the Mr Pumpernink.

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