For a start it’s hard to imagine anyone goose-stepping in bowling shoes. And the Blitzkrieg would surely not have crushed Poland quite so effectively if it had been the Lambretta-krieg.
A more positive hypothesis puts forward the idea that the whole of World War II may have been reduced to no more than a weekend of brawling with greasers and pigs on the seafront at Brighton.
A bottle of Pepsi, a snog with a local girl and a dance to The Who might have pacified the ambitious young Austrian. I suppose we’ll never know.
Next week, we look at what a New Romantic Joseph Goebbels might have been like.